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Rich White Men in Kenya Interest. This meant the Vietnamese pickings, if any, were slim. Outside of the homogeneity of my environment, catching feelings for white guys became something of a habit.

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When I openly voiced my attraction to white dudes, it was partly a survival tactic. So, I decided to play the game that was given to me: If white men wanted Asian hypersexuality and submissiveness from me, then I would give it to them, but only in return for the symbolic power and privilege that I desired.

For many years, I tried to justify my complicity by rry-picking a couple of classically European features.

Then, I would tell people that I simply preferred tall guys with light brown hair or green eyes. Here, it was impossible to attribute the laughable whiteness of my romantic history to a lack of suitable balors of color.

This weird attraction to white men was rooted in my hyperawareness of whiteness as a standard of beauty and higher social status. As I look back at my own fraught romantic history, I subconsciously believed that I would only ever survive in this world if I found and married a white man.

When I realized this, I was disgusted with myself.

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