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Try to take it easy and make people understand about your sexual preferences even in the local scenarios. Be confidentIndividuals who are not confident about themselves will never be successful while dating somebody. Therefore, it is imperative for you to exude your self-confidence as a gay man.
There is no reason why you should be ashamed of yourself and it is a fact that being gay is nothing but a natural phenomenon.
Proper communication is essentialCommunication plays an important role for any relationship to survive.
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Inform your crush regarding everything including your likes and dislikes and whatever that upsets you or even makes you happy.
Do not forget to talk about sex as well.
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Instead, present your true self to your mate which will help to keep your affair going. It is really disappointing if you try to keep up with the others.
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The paid ones are usually much better since they include more features such as email, instant chat, video chats and much more. On the other hand, the free websites will provide you with only a handful of features. Take adequate protective measuresIt is not unnatural to have a physical relationship with any gay individual with whom you might fall in love.
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Unfortunately, this can often result in heartbreak. Make certain to take adequate protection which will make both you and your partner safe while having sex.
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Rejection is quite common in these types of situations and it has got nothing to do with you as an individual. Do not get ashamed and feel bad about yourself.
If you are not successful with any particular person, there is no reason for you to be unsuccessful with others. Do not forget the fact that you are eligible as well as worthy.
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Try to stick to these guidelines and hope for the best! In tracing the origins of the book, Massad explains how what was supposed to be an intellectual history of Arab treatises on sexual desire became entangled with his anger against the application of Western sexual identity around the world.
Consequently, Desiring Arabs reads like two books by two different authors fused uneasily together and sometimes undermining each other's arguments. One project is a meticulous academic study bridging intellectual history and literary criticism by examining how Arab intellectuals and belletrists have dealt with sexuality.
The other is a fuming diatribe against the Gay International's attempts to apply gay identity politics to the Arab world. The latter point is not novel. Many anthropologists, sociologists, and historians including myself have been engaged in the "essentialism vs.
It was the topic of a recent special issue of this Review. There are many variations of essentialism and constructionism, but the basic issue is whether same-sex attraction and sexual behavior are fundamentally the same phenomenon in all times and cultures potentially for biological reasons or whether they are quite different even if they have a shared biological cause.
While biological essentialism has great appeal especially in the U. As an analogy, consider "adolescence. We could define it by certain changes in hormone levels, neurological changes, or somatic developments. However, that span of life is substantially different from one culture to another: in some it is time to work and get married, in others it is an extension of childhood. Similarly, same-sex sexuality can be defined in objective terms as with the Kinsey scale and may have an underlying biological etiology, yet be vastly different phenomena depending on the historical and cultural setting.
Massad's first project is notable for his scholarly exploration of nonfiction works by Arab intellectuals since the late 19th century dealing with sexuality. Although Massad repeatedly claims to be examining sexual desire broadly, his primary focus is same-sex activity, particularly the love of youthful boys.
Heterosexual desire and female sexuality are mentioned only sporadically.
For example, 19th-century French tourists to North Africa marveled or recoiled at what they perceived as unbridled sensuality and the sexual availability of young men. Not only has Orientalism justified imperialism as a "civilizing mission," Said argued, but it has permeated the mindset of Arab elites who side with the West.
An aside: Massad broadly refers to the "Arab world"-meaning not just Arabic-speaking countries but also a larger Islamic circle including Persians. Massad's analysis continues this line of criticism, arguing that even those Arab writers who were self-consciously anti-Orientalist were engaged in a project to re-valorize the classical Arab and Islamic culture as a legitimate civilization according to Western metrics.
Perhaps the most challenging stumbling block in this Arab Renaissance project was boy love-the object of gushing poetic production in the early Islamic period. The primary figure here, and the most frequently cited by Massad, is Abu Nuwas ca. Abu Nuwas is widely regarded as one of the greatest poets in classical Arabic.
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He was half Persian and lived most of his life in Baghdad-where his statue stood on a street that bore his name until Abu Nuwas is best known for his drinking songs and love poems dedicated to youthful boys. Both alcohol and homosexual acts are forbidden in Islam; yet, Abu Nuwas was brazenly cynical and hedonistic. He openly rejected pietism, the imams, and the Qur'an, as when he addresses a young boy: "When we meet, I delight in what the Book forbids. Although Massad liberally quotes from modern novels and plays, he provides not a single verse from Abu Nuwas, who sings the erotic joys of bathhouses and boasts of forcibly seducing young males.
But most often he is lyrical and tender, as in the following my transliteration from a French translation: Abu Nuwas' Le vin, le vent, la vie, trans. Vincent-Mansour Monteil, : I die of love for him, in every way perfect, Lost listening to music. My eyes fix upon his delightful physique While I cannot cease to marvel at his beauty. Abu Nuwas is a real problem for Arab critics trying to demonstrate the greatness of Arab-Islamic civilization.
Some simply overlook the poems to boys. Some claim he never really loved boys, or that the poems were commissioned for a girl seeking to woo a young man.
Some critics blame his "debaury" and this "deviant" lifestyle on the fact that he was Persian-voicing longstanding Arab enmity towards Persians that persists in contemporary Middle East politics. Some critics deflected their censure by analogizing boy love to the sodomy and licentiousness prevalent among the European aristocracy.
Rare are the historians who praise Abu Nuwas' rebellion against societal norms in order to argue for greater liberalism in modern Arab society. Massad's point throughout this section is that these histories of medieval sexuality are histories of the present, reflecting the religious and political views of intellectuals.
Their work is partly a criticism of 19th-century European Orientalism and partly an intervention into contemporaneous Arab politics. An analysis of Abu Nuwas and the 19th-century political uses of his poetry and legend would have been a fascinating account in its own right.
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However, Massad has another axe to grind: the Gay International. The Androphile Project, a Web-based "world history of male love" seeks to excavate a global and eternal history of love between men.
The site www. He is not alone in this. Again, this is the core of the social scientists' "essentialism vs. As a scholastic, nominalist question, is it historically or anthropologically correct to apply the 20th-century label "gay" to same-sex behavior in other times and cultures that had their own terms for the behavior?
I and others have argued that, among other things, such a move helps promote an imagined filiation of gays and lubricates global gay sex tourism. The globalization of gay identity, therefore, has repeatedly been criticized as another manifestation of Western cultural imperialism and paternalism: "backward" and "repressed" societies that closet or imprison people for homosexual acts need help from Western academics and activists to "catch up" to American standards of gay liberation.
Of course, there is something slightly hypocritical about this global liberatory agenda, considering that the U. These gay academic and political issues have been bandied about for several decades.
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Massad has a more provocative argument: that the global gay agenda is actively harmful to same-sex lovers in the Arab world.
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